Sunday...

How I love Sundays!!



I love going to Sunday School and Church with my family.


I love connecting with other Christians.


When I leave Church each Sunday I feel so strong. I feel like I can conquire Satan so easily, I feel like I will be able to go out and talk freely about God and his son without difficulty.


I wish pray that I can have a Sunday every day.

ADD?

This is hard for me to write because in some ways I am embarrassed. I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but I am.

Remember the post I wrote about not being able to focus on more than one part of my life at a time? Well, I went to the doctor yesterday because I am frustrated with my lack of focus in my life each day. She brought up a quiz for ADD. I quickly thought, oh, I don’t have that, that isn’t what the problem is. I’ve never been hyper or unable to focus when talking to someone. I can have a conversation with someone & be fine, I am a good listener.
However, after coming home & doing the quiz it still says I am highly at risk for ADD.

I am in shock!!

I called my mom & asked her and she said “oh, no way that you have it!” I honestly asked my husband and everyone is having the same first reaction that I am not hyper. Though, we talked about it a little more & my husband does say that I have a lot of unfocused moments. I always think that I can function fine, but it does take a lot of “brain power” to get there, especially, if I don’t want to do something.

I guess, I don’t know how to explain it, but maybe it wasn’t a crazy diagnosis after all. She gave me some meds to try out for a month & then come back to see how it worked.

Today is my first day on the meds….hmmm, let’s see how this works. Though one of the side effects of the med is loss of appetite, haha, bring it on!!

They're mean....

Is what my baby said at church yesterday.  Her dad & I looked at her and said "What?  Why are they mean?"  She said, "They were laughing at us!"  At which her dad and I laughed.

See, the girls wore their "wigs" (I prefer hair enhancements) to church yesterday and two older women were commenting on how cute they were and giggling about it.  Well, Aubrey took this "giggle" as cruel laughter.

Such precious moments, we explained that it was not a cruel laughter, they just thought they were so cute that they had to giggle a little.

Her death stare lifted slightly, but she was still unsure.

(Her hair is still wet here, but it matches almost perfect!)

I am feeling....

exactly like God probably feels.


So if you read my post yesterday you know I was very upset. Anyway, I went to bed crying because I don't know what to do and she is just so stubborn and difficult.


So, what do I do when I break down?


I start to pray....then in my desperation and tears, the holy spirit speaks to me....isn't this exactly the way your Heavenly Father feels when you turn away over & over, when you keep making mistakes even though he has warned you?


Oh, my tears cleared and I became a little bit stronger.


I know that God is not done working on me :) but at least now every time I have this horrible spot with Jaylin (or Aubrey if she gets this way) then I can look to my Heavenly Father and regain strength, as well as repent on all the times I turned away instead of searching.


GOD is Great!

What am I doing wrong?!?!

My 5 year old daughter is driving me crazy!  I can't get through to her...mouthy, mouthy, mouthy!!  It is like she is trying to do everything possible to make me upset.  For about 3 days I was calm & nothing she did caused a reaction in me, but each day she wakes up she has a new strength to break me down and I must not be getting enough sleep because I am not getting stronger in this I am getting weaker.  Tonight I asked my girls to pick out there bedtime books & she said "NO!  I don't want to go to bed" and I said "Jaylin, please watch your attitude" and while I was saying this I was helping my youngest daughter get into the bathroom, Jaylin comes up behind me & slams the door which connects directly with my face....yep the corner of the door hits my face & I lose it!!  I don't punish with violence, I usually do the timeout thing, pick her up & place her in time out (which could go on for HOURS cuz she refuses to stay in timeout) so why is she violent to me & her sister when she is mad.

She gets so angry and she can't control herself.  SO those are my thoughts today, what am I doing wrong as a parent..?

Beautiful Day

What a beautiful day it is so far today!! I had a hard time getting up this morning. I just didn’t want to get out of bed. But I knew if I didn’t get out of bed before the girls then I would regret it later.



The sun started shinning around 9 & I couldn’t wait to get out of the house. I gave the girls a fast bath & out the door we went! First we went to hy-vee, I told the girls we could get a yogurt & a donut if they wanted & guess what they said. We don’t want the yogurt, but we will take the donut. So, whatever, they had a donut & I had yogurt. Good Yogurt thought, it was the Yoplait Whips, I love that stuff & a bonus it is on sale this week for 10/$5, what a deal!


Then we went to the park. It was wonderful, ran into another mom that I know from Aubrey’s dance class. The girls played for awhile & then a “boy” came. He was a cute little chubby fellow & Aubrey kept saying “Dude, come over here & play, dude!!!!” haha, just picture that coming out of a little 3 year old’s body. Then Aubrey just started getting really bossy with the boy, I said that is enough with the bossiness... I wonder if I act like that?


Then we came home with no fight, except we walk in the door & Jaylin’s nasty side comes out! She is mouthy & won’t listen to anything I say. It’s like when the fun is over she hates it so much that everything afterwards has to be horrible. I don’t understand it, she has to make the rest of the day go bad. Anyway, we fought for almost an hour on her taking a 5 minute time out. I would put her in her room & she would come back out. Though I am proud of myself because I did not buckle & I never raised my voice. However, I don’t know how this happened after a long time of the putting back in the room she came out & said she would take a timeout in the bathroom & she wanted to take 2 books in there too. I thought about this for a sec & I said ok, see we are reading this children’s book on anger & one of the ways to deal with your anger is going to an area by yourself & doing something you enjoy until you calm down. I don’t know if letting her take the book will backfire on me, but it worked today & I was tired of fighting.

late night journaling...

3:00 pm



Started reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I am happy now, but I want to be happier….we will see.


10:00 PM


Another thing I think I want to start doing is listing special & beautiful things my children do throughout the day. I want to be able to look back & remember the times I stayed home with them. It is now almost 10pm at night & I was trying to think of something cute & adorable that they said today, but I have no words or thoughts, LOL, I’m tired!

March 10th 2010



I used to keep a diary of my thoughts when I was younger, but I haven’t written in one for a very long time. I was sitting in the drive through for McDonalds & I was thinking about some stuff, I thought, I’d be really good to write this down so maybe I could work through it later. So here I am, my first journal entry.


My thoughts from the drive through were, I can’t focus on more than one thing at a time. I can be a mom & a wife at the same time, however, it seems I cannot focus on eating a healthy diet & grow spiritually at the same time. Every challenge I find in my life I can overcome, however, something else falls backseat or even out of the van while I am working on that one challenge. Why can’t I excel in all challenges in my life? I wrote above that I can be a mom & a wife, but really, when I feel I am a very good mom I slack off in the wife side.  I can't seem to dedicate & improve more than one area of my life at a time.


I am loving life right now. I am a SAHM with two wonderful daughters. Jaylin is so stubborn though. I get so frustrated at times because I cannot get her to do something if she truly does not want to do it. I was out of my thyroid med for about a month & I hated asking her to do anything, however, now that I am back to being centered I feel like I am in control of the situation. She may think she is in control, but I pick my battles  Today Jaylin went to school in mud boots, jogging pants, & an adidas jacket/shirt. The outfit that I picked out is just adorable, but then she adds the mud boots, urgh, oh well, not worth the fight! I got her to keep on her jacket, but I bet as soon as she gets to school it will come off.


Aubrey is 3 now & starting to act a little like her sister, however, I find it much easier to deal with her. She should be taking a nap right now, but I can hear her playing around. She started cheer yesterday & she was such a cutie! Jumping around all crazy, she was meant to run around & be center of attention. Full of life that girl is.


I’ve been thinking a lot lately, mainly because our old Pastor (one I really respected & liked) resigned from our old church due to his marital infidelity. I am in such shock & I can’t stop thinking about their family. Jody (his wife) must feel like life is over, her pattern of life must be so crazy & unfocused. I don’t know what I would do or think if something like that happened to me. I’d hope that I could act as together as she seems to. I would hope that I could be strong enough in my faith to look to God for guidance. I know even now that there are times that temptation for sin gets so strong that I am so spiritually weak that I don’t know if I would/could pray to God for help. I constantly pray to God to make me stronger to resist sin.